


Our Air Smells Like the Smoke of Broken Dreams

by AllennellA



Series: Smile for the Camera [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Divorce, F/M, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Pining, reposting for shits and giggles, what is a consistent time line
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-08
Updated: 2015-07-08
Packaged: 2018-04-08 07:34:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4296159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllennellA/pseuds/AllennellA
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hinata goes on vacation and reflects back on the past, when her life was heading in a different direction.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Our Air Smells Like the Smoke of Broken Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from a poem I wrote, actually. Anyway, this is somewhat of a side thing for my other fic, Aperture, and won't make a terrible lot of sense if you haven't read that first. Or maybe it does, idk. The first time I posted this, I was told to go kill myself on the very first comment. I know that I shouldn't have expected to keep my fics troll free but I couldn't handle keeping this up on AO3 when every time I looked at it, I was reminded of that comment. I finally have talked myself into reposting it. Hopefully, no one cares about that little blip in my otherwise pretty consistent promise keeping. This kind of sucks, so I'm just gonna leave it here and hope no one says anything rude again.

When she’d first stepped off the airplane, she’d almost burst with nervousness and anticipation.  LAX was a bustling mess of traffic and people pushing this way or that, but that wasn’t why she was nervous.  It’d been so long since she’d breathed the arid smog of Los Angeles, longer still since she’d enjoyed it.  When she’d been young, just a kid, she’d thought that the air in America was so clean.

The air was only going to get cleaner, she thought to herself, inhaling deeply.  It would be nice to breathe without feeling stifled, and she rolled her shoulders back to ease the ache of sitting so cramped on the flight.  They’d only had one layover between Beijing and LA, and the brief airport exploration in Hawaii had done nothing for how stiff she was.

Her husband, soon to be ex-husband, coughed a little to gain her attention, and motioned towards the rental car location.  They had discussed this already.  Hinata would grab her luggage and pick up her rental car, and he would do the same.  However while he stayed in LA, she would take the drive up to Santa Barbara and Sacramento to see her old friends, and then they’d meet up again at his hotel in LA the day the plane took off again for Beijing.  There would be no need for communication on her end or his, and if there was an emergency, they had their cellphones on them.

Hinata felt like she could enjoy that arrangement.  She wanted to be away from him, because he thought she didn’t notice when he stayed up late in his office, talking to her sister on the phone in low, dulcet tones about how much he loved her.  Once that knowledge would’ve hurt her, but now she had accepted it.

He was done with her and so she was done with him.  She was done with hoping for something that wouldn’t happen, done with hating herself for not being enough, done with it all.  Hinata had nothing left in her to love this man with, and she wanted those papers signed long ago.

It was a good feeling to breathe again in Los Angeles.  And she felt free, as she pulled her rental car out of the parking lot, each minute taking her farther and farther away from the ball and chain that held her down.

* * *

_The beginning of Hinata’s predicament was thus:_

_One terrible, terrible evening, she had come home from a long day at high school, and the house was bright, lit up so that the living room shone from outside, and she had thought they were having a party or some sort of celebration.  Her parents were strict, but they were good people, and they knew how to have fun sometimes.  She’d thought it was some Chinese holiday she’d forgotten, having lived in America since she was 8._

_Her parents had sat her down next to a tall, gawky, but not unattractive, teenager, probably a senior in high school or a freshman in college, with neatly combed black hair and a crooked smile._

_“This is Mr. Jindong,” her parents had said, “He’s the heir to our rival business corporation in Beijing.  We would like to unite our two companies in a mutually beneficial partnership.”_

_They explained the benefits over dinner, even though Hinata couldn’t find much in her to care.  Her father’s company could outsource expensive CPU construction to the factories in China, while the Jindong Company could adapt their computers to the superior programming and operating systems of the Hyuuga Corporation.  Despite it being an excellent match, she couldn’t figure out why they were coming to her with this.  She wasn’t a superior programmer or business man like her cousin Neji, and she was studying to be a lawyer._

_“We would like to seal this deal with a marriage,” her parents finally said, and Hinata felt her stomach drop to her feet, her head spinning._

_How old-fashioned, archaic, and useless!  She wasn’t royalty, this was the modern day and age!  The companies had nothing to do with her personal life even if she was supposed to inherent them, she’d thought, but her mouth said, “I understand, Father.”_

_And then her mother was smiling at her and taking her hands in her own and telling Hinata how wonderful a spring wedding would be, in April when the flowers were blooming.  How gorgeous the location they would rent, in China of course.  Somewhere a little out of the city and rural enough to have beautiful scenery._

_Hinata wanted to cry._

_“When is the merger going to occur permanently?” She asked, and her father understood._

_“You have four years, while we settle the assets and begin the process of merging our shareholders.  Then the merger will be officially complete, and we will seal it with your marriage,” her father had told her, clapping his warm and steady hand on her shoulder, “You have grown up and made me proud, my daughter.  Enjoy the last of your youth.”_

_Hinata had seen that sentence as her invitation._

_And she had, she had gone the very next day up to Naruto, the man of her dreams, and offered in her most confident tone, to help tutor him in math.  He’d looked at her like she was crazy but he had grinned and told her that sure, he needed to raise his grades or Sakura would kill him for getting held back.  Two weeks later they were necking against Naruto’s beat up orange van and Hinata had all but forgotten the name Jidong._

* * *

Naruto had sent Hinata emails filled with photographs of Santa Barbara.  He’d talked about how he’d moved right after school and how this photo he’d taken had inspired him to do it.  Naruto was so strong, Hinata sighed, her heart still slightly aflutter for her old flame.

She’d been so in love with him it had made her sick some days, and she had had such high hopes for what they could be.

Of course, the highest hopes crashed down the easiest.  It had been too long since she’d gotten an email from him and now Sakura was not calling her like she had been before either.  Hinata didn’t know if something had happened to the two of them, but she could hardly blame them if they didn’t mention it.  She was hiding her own secrets from them.

She checked into her hotel, a nice posh suite with all the amenities that smelled like the ocean, and her first thought was that a swim would be nice to relax her muscles.  The hotel had a swimming pool of course, but it seemed like such a better idea to swim in the ocean, enjoy the salt and sand.  She hadn’t chosen a beachside venue to not enjoy the wonders of just taking the stairs down to the sea after all.

Her swimsuit was a suitable one-piece, black with a v-neck that dipped down far enough that she looked fashionable without trespassing into sexy territory.  And because her eyes had always been sensitive to so much sun, she grabbed her sunglasses and slid them on.

The stairs down to the beach were crusted with sand and weeds sprung out of the sides, and they were ridiculously steep.  That was what she got for trying to go the most direct route.  Hinata grinned as the wind picked up her hair and played with it, and she picked up the pace, eager to bury her toes in the warm sand.

The beach was moderately populated, but it wasn’t crowded quite yet.  There were a few tents put up against the cliff advertising this or that.  Hinata picked her way past the folks and stood right at the precipice of the water-soaked sandy slush and the dry sand.  She stood there, her face tilted up to the sun, and she breathed in deep, feeling like herself in a way she hadn’t for more than three years.

A gull shrieked overhead, and she could’ve sworn that she had heard a familiar voice.

Hinata turned around slowly, unsure of her memory or her ears, but she hadn’t been mistaken.

“I don’t like you,” Naruto said to an odd old man with an eye-patch leaning behind a counter of one of the tents advertising tourist photos. He was wearing a polo shirt with a pair of swimming trunks and he had gained weight since she’d last seen him.  He looked less like the ever hungry teenager and more like a man; filled out in all the proper places and his annoyed pout looked even more handsome since his jawbone had become more prominent.  The scars across his cheeks and nose were still there, but Hinata was fairly sure that they were always going to be.

She couldn’t help herself, her feet moved by themselves.

“Naruto?” She found herself asking, almost sure that he was an illusion that would vanish if she blinked.

Naruto flung himself away from the counter and his pout turned into a shocked, half formed grin, “Hinata!”

He was still the same after all this time.

“You look good,” She told him truthfully, smiling as she took off her sunglasses to get a better look of him.

“Why are you in Santa Barbara?” Naruto asked, “Shouldn’t you be in China?”

“My husband had a business trip.  I didn’t expect to see you here,” Hinata swept a wayward strand of hair back where it belonged behind her ear and couldn’t stop herself from smiling.

The dolt asked, “Here as in on the beach, or here as in Santa Barbara?  Because I know I told everyone I moved.”

It was just like him to ask a dumb question.

Hinata swung her legs up onto the counter, which was really a table she’d found now that she was closer up, and sat there, stretched out, feeling as if the last three years were just memories.  Naruto was looking at her so warmly, and she wondered if he minded her staying in his gaze like that.

Hinata didn’t know how to explain how good it felt to feel like a human being and not a wall decoration.

That was Naruto for her; someone who changed the game and turned the tables until she felt like much more than she was.  Her smile felt real once again, and she felt somehow healed.  If she wasn’t the shy person she was, she would’ve swung over the counter and kissed him, told him she took it all back, that those years were the biggest mistake of her life.  That she still needed him.

But the last time she did something impulsive like that, she hurt the both of them.  Hinata wanted to try holding herself up on her own, without leaning on someone, and finding how she too was strong.

So she held herself in check, and left with only a promise to come back soon.

* * *

_Hinata woke to the barest sliver of sunshine on her bare arm, and a highly disapproving Iruka staring down at her.  She yelped, jumping out of the bed she realized belated was definitely not hers.  She didn’t own such a childish comforter after all, and she knew intimately someone who did._

_“Have a fun evening?” Iruka asked, holding a folded stack of clean clothing to her.  They were Naruto’s clothes, she realized, a size too large for her but certainly better than the clothes that, uh, were probably going in the trash after this, honestly.  She didn’t think her underwear survived last night._

_The fact that Iruka knew, however, was just mortifying._

_She took the clothes and almost melted under Iruka’s knowing gaze._

_“Next time, you might want to think about locking the door,” Iruka shrugged his shoulders, “Wake up Naruto and tell him breakfast is in a half-hour.  And maybe, you should tell him about what your parents disclosed to me during your last IEP.”_

_She froze, “You haven’t told him, have you?”_

_Iruka shook his head, “I won’t tell confidential information about my students to my son.  Your secret is safe with me, but I don’t like lying to him.  You don’t have much time left.”_

_“I…” Hinata frowned, “I do know that.  I will soon.”_

_But she didn’t that morning, and the guilt she felt when her blond boyfriend kissed her goodbye, hyper and brilliantly happy, ate all the happiness she might’ve had._

* * *

Hinata met Sakura with a hug and two grocery bags.  Sakura didn’t seem to feel any shame in piling all her weight on her, so Hinata bore it with a smile.  She didn’t mind being a literal support, even though she’d expected that she was here purely for the emotional stuff.  Naruto had been vague, but it was clear to Hinata within minutes that Sakura was exhausted.

The two girls piled on the bed, and Hinata unearthed two pints of Häagen-Dazs ice cream.  She turned to Sakura, who was searching the bags for spoons, and asked, “Cookie dough or green tea?”

“Cookie dough,” Sakura answered, making grabby hands for it.  “Screw the diet to hell.”

“That’s where the diet belongs,” Hinata said solemnly.

They ate the first few bites in relative silence before Sakura broke her plastic spoon and laughed so hard that Hinata almost jumped out of her skin.  She’d never seen her friend act this way before; it looked like Sakura was not in a good place of mind, even if she looked like she’d already weathered the worst of it.

Sakura huffed out the last laugh, all humor gone from her eyes, “I really am glad you’re here, Hinata.  I need someone to commiserate with me how much it sucks to be in love with Naruto fucking Uzumaki.”

Hinata dropped her spoon on the comforter.  She swallowed the swell of emotions that had spawned in her chest, and how heavy the weight of her situation felt on her.  She squared her shoulders and reached out for Sakura’s free hand, looking her in the eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Hinata whispered, “But that’s not what this is about, is it?”

Sakura swallowed, “Yeah.  You’re right.  This isn’t really about him; it’s about how I messed up, big-time.”

“Tell me,” Hinata murmured, smiling in a way she hoped Sakura found encouraging.

“Back in college, after you dumped him, Naruto was a mess.  Not gonna lie, it was weird seeing him so depressed.  But then he picked himself back up and I thought, oh god, he’s gotten so attractive now.  I mean, he wasn’t the messed up angry loud gang member he was when I first met him.  He’d turned into this really hot, really nice, good guy.  And even worse is that he had absolutely no desire to date me!” Sakura’s self-deprecating laugh chilled Hinata to her bones.  “I was so far off his charts, I was in no man’s land.  So I guess I started dating these jerks because I kept thinking that he’d get jealous or maybe come save me or something.  But like, I actually started to have a real fling with one of them, and you know, I thought I was gonna get over my dumb crush because everything was working out!  I had a hot boyfriend, I was graduating college, I was going to get an awesome job and everything would then be perfect.”

Hinata knew how these stories ended.  “And it wasn’t.”

“Oh yeah, no, it definitely wasn’t.  My boyfriend, Sai, we were just getting serious.  I knew he was clean, and honestly I might’ve been drunk enough that I didn’t think about it too hard, and maybe the condom fucking ripped but yeah, anyway, skimp the details there but next morning he wakes me up with, ‘I’m flying off to Thailand, so I guess we’re breaking up now.’  And I was like, ‘what, when?’  He took off that very evening without a second glance but it was a crazy morning and there was shouting and I might’ve been throwing things, and he took my birth control pills on accident when he left.  Long story short and a lot of my stupidity later, and now I’m pregnant and the father doesn’t know or apparently care, and my life is falling apart.”

“I don’t mean to judge, but is Naruto related to this somehow?  The way you started this conversation, I almost thought…” Hinata hated that one of her first thoughts was, if he didn’t sleep with Sakura, did he still hold a flame for her like she did for him?  Or did he actually move on, like she tried to but couldn’t?

“Because of course when I tell him, he offers to drop his entire life to be with me!  Naruto doesn’t know how to be selfish sometimes, and I couldn’t.  I just couldn’t let the college heartthrob I couldn’t hook try to father my child at the cost of everything he’d been working on.  He’d found a guy, apparently a really great guy because even though he barely knows him Naruto followed him halfway down the state, and he was going to just ditch him forever to be with me.  And the worst part?”

What could be worse than that news?  Hinata tried not to look shaken.  “What is it?”

“He said he only wanted to be my friend, because he had absolutely no romantic feelings for me, at all.  He’d moved on long ago, after we promised that we were only going to be friends with nothing else to interfere.” 

Hinata shook her head, “His tactlessness knows no bounds.”

“God dammit,” Sakura, with her faded pink bubble gum hair and the worst brown roots and a heart well enough broken, swore, “I want to punch him and kiss him.  I’m allowed, aren’t I?  But he’s got this Sasuke guy he’s drooling over.  I don’t blame him too much, because I’ve seen a photo of the man, and he’s to die for, but apparently he’s got a stick the size of a redwood up his ass.”

“The pains of loving Naruto Uzumaki,” Hinata sighed.

She had hoped that she’d stopped long ago.

* * *

_She had hoped she’d stopped loving Naruto the very day she texted him to come see her, just to hang out and talk.  The day she had to drop the bomb on him, because she was getting married in two weeks, and leaving for China the very next day.  She had already transferred her credits to a top notch university in Beijing, and packed her bags. Literally everything was ready, except for telling her boyfriend of four years that she’d been some other man’s fiancée for longer than they’d been dating._

_Naruto had taken it… well._

_She’d expected anger, denial, and then defiance.  She expected him to pull the typical bad boy card, grab her by her waist and growl, “You’re not going anywhere,” in that sexy tone he used when they played around in bed sometimes.  And then he’d convince her through a tear filled make out that they were destined to be together._

_Okay, so maybe that was Hinata’s unrealistic ideal reaction, but still. She had at least expected anger, and defiance.  She expected him to fight her leaving, to stick to her with duct tape, and perhaps convince her to stay through a tear filled make out because they were destined to be together._

_Instead, the tears came first.  He shrunk back into himself, like when she’d touched one of those tide pool anemones with her finger back in her elementary school’s field trip to the aquarium.  Naruto didn’t look at all defiant when finally he mustered up the courage to speak._

_“This is what you really want?” He asked, looking frankly like a scared rabbit._

_“I can’t disappoint my family even more than I already do.  And it’s not like he’s a bad guy or anything,” Hinata mumbled, unable to speak up even now that she had made up her mind._

_He scratched the back of his bright, blonde head, his blue eyes downcast and his mouth stuck somewhere between a sob and a laugh, “I’m happy for you… if this is what you think will make you happy.  I love you, Hinata, and I’m totally…” Naruto choked back a sob, “supportive of your decisions, I promise.  I won’t get in the way.”_

_Hinata almost wanted to yell at him for saying so.  Why didn’t he ask to sweep her off her feet and drag her away to elope?  Why didn’t he grab her arms and pull her close, kiss her desperately and tell her how good they were together?  Why didn’t he want to fight to get her back?  Was their love so one-sided that he wanted this excuse to break up with her?_

_No, she thought, shaking her insecurities away.  Naruto loved her too, and she knew that.  But as much as he loved her, Naruto was not a selfish person.  He would hurt himself to help others, sacrifice himself to keep his friends close, and Hinata was one of those friends._

_She meant so much to him that he didn’t care what her leaving would do to him.  He only cared that it was what would make her happy in the end.  She wished he’d realize that she didn’t want this either, and she didn’t think this marriage would make her happy.  But the alternative, as wonderful as eloping sounded, would ruin her relationship with the people she cared about most.  Even more than Naruto, Hinata cherished her family.  To be disowned and parted from them would be far too much pain to bear._

_Marriage seemed the lesser evil._

_Naruto kissed her cheek, one last time, and she squeezed his hand, and she wished she didn’t love him._

* * *

Her first idea upon arriving at Naruto’s doorstep was that she was finally ready to move past her fear and tell him how she had felt and perhaps how she still did feel.  Maybe he was already taken by this elusive Sasuke character, but Hinata dismissed that thought with a shake of her head.  Even if he was, he deserved to know the truth.

But then Naruto actually did open the door, and she abruptly remembered that he didn’t live alone.  The sheer mess of the apartment and the huge sleeping dog on the couch were dead giveaways for that. 

Sakura had mentioned that he’d had a roommate.  Hinata had… forgotten.  Now she really couldn’t say anything, and her insides burned with shame at her boldness.  Now what was she here for?   She was just barging in without invitation…!

Desperate to salvage the situation from the burning flaming mess it had become, she took a step forward only to have her heel catch on the step and send her caterwauling towards Naruto, failing arms and all.

“Hey!” Naruto said cheerfully, having caught her and set her back on her feet, “Sorry it’s a mess.”

Hinata swallowed in hopes of making her voice work like normal, “I think it looks very clean for housing two single men.”

Crap, why had she said that?  She didn’t even know if Naruto’s roommate was a bachelor!  She had assumed and brought up a bad topic; what would he think of her now?

But instead he just continued on grinning, “Speaking of that guy... Kibbles!"

Oh no.  Now she had to meet his roommate too?  He probably knew all about her, and could see right through her.  He probably would say something right away, like, ‘Naruto, dude, this chick wants in your pants.’

Naruto’s roommate must think she was an absolute mess, the crazy desperate ex-girlfriend--!

But instead, when a mousy haired, brown eyed, tanned hunk emerged from the bedroom, his shirt missing and his arms stretched out behind him, looking like some sort of movie star in one of those romances Sakura and she liked to watch together, well, Naruto’s roommate… didn’t?

The man just sort of stumbled, too caught up in staring back at her to watch his feet.  But he regained his balance, and all Hinata could think of was that he didn’t look like he was judging her.  He looked like he’d been hit in the head or maybe, like he liked her?

“Hinata, this is Kiba Inuzuka.  He's my roommate and a year younger than us," Naruto said, and Hinata felt horrible that she had actually forgotten he was there, "And Kibbles, this is Hinata Jindong--"

"Hinata Hyuuga, please," Hinata interrupted, her voice going soft and ashamed, "I'd prefer to use my maiden name from now on.  I know Sakura told you everything."

She couldn’t even look him in the eyes.  Sakura had told him about the divorce, but she had wanted… she hated herself in that very moment for all the things she had done wrong in her life because she was shy, or scared.  She was done with messing up and hurting other people and being weak. 

Hinata wasn’t going to tell Naruto how she felt.  Not today. Not ever.  Sakura said he was happy.  So she was going to let him be happy.  She’d find her own happiness somewhere else.

"Fuck," Naruto’s roommate, Kiba, muttered, his eyes avoiding hers, "You're married?"

"Getting a divorce," Hinata said firmly and quickly, because getting a divorce was the best decisions she had ever made.  And she wanted this guy to know, because he had looked at her like she was worth it, like he wanted desperately to be worth her.  So she smiled, gently and as seductively as she could managed, and had to contain a laugh as Naruto’s roommate Kiba winked at her.

"Hinata's my ex from high school and a bit of college," Naruto said, in a weird tone of voice that gave away his intentions.  He was warning his roommate about her.  Because he didn’t trust her.

Hinata’s mood almost soured, but she still felt guilty for her prior presumptuousness so she brushed it off. 

At first, she thought Kiba was going to back off or start ignoring her, now that he had figured out she was the crazy ex.  But, once again, he surprised her.

He looked at her through half lidded eyes and grinned lazily at her, the picture of confidence, “It’s nice to meet the most beautiful girl in the world."

In all the old-fashioned romances, the guy would do something infinitesimally cool, and the lady would have no choice but to swoon, her heart beating too fast to keep her on her feet.  Hinata had never truly swooned before, and she felt that she didn’t do it quite right.  She’d just felt like she’d been stupefied or maybe hit with a baseball bat to the head, and she wobbled a bit, and there was no dramatic falling.  Maybe she wasn’t good at swooning because she was out of practice.  After all, she hadn’t had the need to swoon for three years, and even before that, Naruto wasn’t the romantic type.  He’d taken her out to far too many movies before she’d gone to Sakura to blackmail him into taking her out to dinner.

So swooning was new.

Hinata blushed up to her ears, and mumbled, "Oh, um, I--!  Thank you, um, can I call you Kiba?"

The brunet blinked, "As opposed to what?  Kibbles?"

"Oh, um!  I thought, perhaps, that you'd like to be referred to with less familiarity," Hinata fiddled with her fingers, suddenly worried that she had mucked it all up.

"You can call me anything you want," Kiba said, and his eyes betrayed his eagerness, "In fact, you can call me anytime."

And before Hinata knew what to do with herself, his name and number had been placed in her palm.  She glanced back up at him, and internally decided that she was all here for this guy.  He was nice, he liked her, he was a total piece of the hottie pie, and he was confident.  Which was pretty much everything Hinata liked in a guy.

She smiled her flirty smile at him again, and admired how good he looked, how he stared back at her admiring the same.  Their eyes met, and she felt nervous and wobbly inside but somehow confident too, and she could see the two of them being able to become something.

“So you just flew in?” He asked her.

She twiddled her fingers, “No, I already spent some time up in Sacramento.  It was good to catch up with all of my old friends.  Um, tell me, do you always greet visitors shirtless?”

“Uh, yeah.  Totally my style.  How else should I show off my beautiful abs?” He chuckled awkwardly.

“I don’t mind,” Hinata said, and she felt horribly bold, “Would you mind if I…?”

He grinned and flexed for her, and she had to swallow to wet her suddenly dry mouth.  Fuck, she felt thirsty and desperate and she liked him.  So she touched him, ran her hand up his toned stomach, against the grain of his hair until her fingers touched his chest.

Naruto covered his eyes, yelping, "No!  No shameless PDA is allowed while I'm not getting laid!" 

It was a reminder to them both that he still existed, and Hinata watched with embarrassment as he made shooing motions at Kiba.

"That's your own damn fault," Kiba rolled his eyes, but he still allowed himself to be shooed.  Now that she was alone with him, Hinata felt her confidence drain away.

She stuttered, "I, I can explain--"

She wasn’t sure how, but she’d try.

"Sakura explained it to me.  I've been through it before too, I get it.  I had my own string of failed relationships after you."  Naruto was a saint sent from above, truly.

"Please, don't think badly of me," Hinata pleaded, her emotions all tumbling out, "I must seem so awful and shallow, but I swear, I can't help it.  I've been alone for so long I thought I'd go mad, wishing that I could somehow create a change, to make the lie I told you the truth.  I spent those years thinking it was my fault our relationship was failing, because I was somehow unlovable.  I was devoured by the crippling insecurity I created from blaming myself for not being enough."  

She took a deep breath and confessed, "It's been three years since a man told me I was beautiful."

"Kibbles is a good person, Hinata," the blonde sighed, "Don't pull any shit on him like you did to me."

Hinata's eyes watered up and she stared at her feet determinedly, "I won't make the same mistakes twice."

"So it's a mistake now," he huffed.

"I always felt like it was, to be honest.  I was never happy.  I really did love you," she smiled at the ground, "We were good together."

Hinata was proud of herself.  Even though they had started to talk about this, she hadn’t said anything she would regret.  She hadn’t said anything about how she almost tried to ruin their delicate rapport.  She hadn’t said that she’d essentially only given up on him literally minutes ago.

So yeah, she was proud of herself.

"Yet you ran off anyway," Naruto said, and it didn’t sound like a question.

Hinata pursed her lips, and told him honestly, “I chose to give you up because my parents' approval meant more to me than your love. I'm sorry, but while I loved you, I didn't love you nearly as much as I thought I did."

Naruto whispered something to himself, and Hinata couldn’t quite catch it.  She nervously fixed her messy hair so it’d sit where it belonged, before gathering up her courage and saying, “You've found happiness again.  You've been happy without me for a while, I think.  Sakura told me you found Mr. Perfect.”

A change of topic was all she could do for now.

"He's not perfect," Naruto groaned, "because he's an asshole and manages pretty and smart and badass all at once.  He's not fair and he gives me far too many erections in public and half the time I want to punch his lights out!"

"You're going to tell me when the wedding is?" Hinata smiled at him, feeling happy somewhere in her tired heart that he really did seem to have found someone.  A rustle announced that Naruto’s roommate Kiba had returned to the kitchen, and oh, he’d put on a shirt that did absolutely nothing to hide those abs.

She was almost frustrated by the fabric.  It was purposeless.  But the white button down shirt and leather jacket looked good, like James Dean good, and she caught herself before she thought any lyrics to Taylor Swift’s Style or told herself that Kiba looked like Daddy Material.  Both thoughts were, um, properly labeled as bad.

 _You are a married woman_ , Hinata chastised herself,  _you can’t go thinking things like that!_

Oh, but he looked good.  He looked really good.

"I know she came here to see you, but do you mind if I take your lady friend out for the evening, Naruto?" Kiba grinned, and it showed just a little bit of teeth, and Hinata wanted to shove this man right back into the silver screen he crawled out of.

"Ask her yourself," Naruto said, always the gentleman.

Before he even turned to say something, Hinata blubbered, “I'd love to get to know you, um, better!”

"Oh--uh--Me too," Kiba stared back at her, and she tried her best not to awkwardly beam at him.  And then Hinata couldn’t smile because the look in his eyes changed and she melted, because I wasn’t okay to be that attractive and to be interested in her and urgh, she was defeated.  Lost.  Hopeless.  Doomed.

And she loved it.

* * *

_Of course she had invited Naruto to her wedding.  How could she not?  He had been her best friend, her staunchest supporter, her one true love.  It was like he was required to get an invitation._

_She wasn’t cruel enough to actually expect him to come.  There was no way he’d have managed to dress up nice and fancy and show up all neat and groomed on time to an event like this; giving away his girl to another man.  He’d probably cry.  Or get angry.  Hinata still hadn’t figured out which._

_So when her parents asked her about wedding venues, she had long since chosen Aman at the Summer Palace.  There was no way Naruto would worry about having to attend a ceremony in Beijing of all places.  Plus she’d looked like a princess from a different era long past during her wedding, and it was every girl’s wedding to be a queen on her wedding day, wasn’t it?_

_She hoped her attendants knew how to cover up red eyes with makeup.  Her mother would never let her live if she ruined her own wedding with ugly puffy eyes._

_Was Naruto crying?_

_The very last e-mail she’d sent hadn’t been satisfactory.  She sat down at the computer, tenderly as to not disturb her hair, all delicately balanced on her head pinned down along with a heavy headdress that caused tiny red glass beads to dangle down into her eyes.  Hinata’s fingers trembled over the keys, and she felt another tear roll down her cheeks._

_She typed quickly,_

**_Dear Naruto,_ **

**_I will always love you.  Please understand, if there was any other way, I would be with you.  My family forced me into this and the whole time, I’ve wanted to run back to you, where I could be myself.  No one understands me here.  I keep getting criticized for everything; I just want to go back to us._ **

**_I love you so much.  Please save me from this._ **

_And then she abruptly erased all of it._

_She wrote instead,_

**_Dear Naruto,_ **

**_I have the regular pre-wedding jitters.  Don’t worry, I don’t think I’ll get cold feet.  I only wish that Sakura, you, and all of our friends back in Sacramento were here!  You’d love how photogenic all the historic buildings are, and I promise that the smog isn’t that bad._ **

**_I miss you, and I regret how sharply our relationship ended.  However, I am happy here, and I’m glad you understood that I’m no longer in love with you.  We will always be friends, though, just like we promised._ **

**_Wish me luck on taking this new step of my life!_ **

_And with a click, she sent it._

_If only she hadn’t had to send such filthy lies.  What would Naruto think if he knew the truth?  Probably that she was weak._

_He would hate her for hurting him.  She already hated herself._

_Hinata resolved that no matter what, she would never tell him what had transpired.  She’d be happy with her husband if it’d kill her._

* * *

Their date had gone well, really well; it was the sort of date Hinata thought only existed in movies or books.  Kiba had muttered something about motorcycles and sweeping her off her feet, but it wasn't necessary.  Going bowling at a Glow-in-the-Dark Bowling Alley in the evening with a built-in arcade was more than enough sweeping for her.  After all, Glow-in-the-Dark bowling was sexy, even if Kiba self-proclaimed he had no skill in bowling and was cowed down just by the sight of her rental car.

Of course, when they did end up taking her car, the brunet would not stop ogling the leather seats or the topless feel of breeze in the wind.

It had been busy when they'd arrived, so they spent the first ten minutes messing around in the arcade.  Hinata had forgotten how much she liked old school games, and she'd barely been able to contain her excitement seeing a real, antique game of Donkey Kong.  Even if Hinata had in the end decided to become a lawyer, she'd spent a fair portion of her time before then working on programming like her cousin, Neji, and she'd loved game programming the most.  She had done enough of it that the coding for these games felt simple; most of the games were child's play to her.

She unabashedly ran several machines out of tickets before Kiba told her that their lane had opened up.

"Oh!" Hinata looked up from the game, and her character promptly died, causing a red screen to flash the words 'YOU LOST' to her.  "You're right. Let me just, um, cash in these tickets?"

She picked up her large lack of them from next to her and had trouble fitting them all in her hands.  Kiba had only a measly handful compared to her.

"Need some help with that?" he queried, looking every inch the concerned boyfriend.

Hinata beamed at him, hoisting the messy pile up with her, "No, I'll be alright."

They couldn't get too chivalrous.  Hinata didn't want the date to pass into romantic territory quite yet.  She wanted to kiss this boy senseless, yes, but Hinata also was too shy to take it there, and more importantly, too guilty over her stupid cheating husband to actually let herself cheat back.  So she was going to hold back and keep him from getting too close until she didn't feel like she'd sunk to Jidong's stupid level.  She was better than him and she wasn't going to cheat on him, cute guy with a great smile and a 6 pack or no.

Once the both of them had meandered to the ticket counter, the attendant said, "I'll take your tickets, ma'am... 961 in total?   _Someone_ knows how to play the games."

Hinata blushed a bit, before turning to her companion and asking, "Do you want anything?"

"Uh! N-not really," Kiba chuckled nervously.

"That's bull," The attendant said, "He comes here and gets the dog things."

Hinata blinked.  Dog things?

She spotted the dog things.  They were tiny, mini, plastic figurines in the shapes of different dog breeds.  For arcade toys, they were adorable.  Although Hinata bet they all said, "MADE IN CHINA" on them somewhere, and the thought of Beijing's smog made her wrinkle her nose.  Still, if Kiba was a collector, then she'd get him a million plastic dog figurines.  More than he'd know what to do with, she thought eagerly.

"They're pretty cute," Hinata said, examining them to see if she could guess which ones Kiba might already have.

"Magnetic too, they stick to your fridge and stuff," the attendant added helpfully.

Her guessing game going nowhere, she turned to Kiba and asked, "Which ones do you already have?"

"Like all of them, but seriously, get something you like," Kiba groaned.

That's no fun.  Hinata pointed to one at random, a dark colored Labrador, "What about this one?"

"...No, but-"

"Then that one, please!" She smiled at the attendant before considering what to do with the rest of her tickets, "Oh, and how about three boxes of skittles and one box of glowsticks?  Give the rest to the next person in line, I guess."

The attendant happily handed over her prizes, and now that they were ladled down with goods, they made their way to their lane just as it was about to be stolen by another couple who'd been waiting for a spot almost as long as they.  Kiba stuck his tongue out at them as they walked away, and Hinata had to cover her mouth to keep from giggling.

"You shouldn't do that!" She teased.

"They were rude first," He shrugged, "Now, how about it?"

As it turned out, Hinata was terrible at bowling.  She hadn't played the game in so long that almost every other ball was a gutter ball and when it wasn't one, she could only hit two or three pins maximum.  Kiba actually had to explain to her that a gutter ball was a bad thing.  Plus, he wasn't doing nearly as bad, he'd gotten a spare.  Life wasn't fair, was it?

Still, sucking at bowling came with a couple advantages.  For instance, Kiba wasn't opposed to standing close behind her and showing her how to hold the ball properly or how to release it from her fingers without spinning it out of control.  So, in the end, Hinata had had a ridiculous amount of fun, and the ever-present grin on her partner's face made it clear that he felt the same.

Just as she was about to drop him off, she pulled the plastic dog figurine out of her pocket and presented it to him.

"For a really fun night," Hinata said, placing it securely in his palm.

"Uh, yeah, of course," Kiba grinned, "Thanks for coming out with me."

"No problem.  Take care of the little guy for me, okay?"

"Scruffy'll be alright," He said, stroking the tiny dog's head with his index finger.

Hinata was pretty sure that was when she fell head over heels in love.  Her heart skipped a beat, her palms were sweaty, and she felt indescribably happy, like she didn't need anything else other than this moment, sitting in a rental car late at night next to him.  Her love for Naruto had been slow, like molasses, but this had happened to her like smoke dissipating in the air.  It only took a couple seconds and suddenly everything was clear to her.  Her head, her heart, it was all settled.

She leaned over to kiss his cheek, but stopped herself short, whispering, "Thank you," into his ear.  He didn't seem to hear her, and that was alright.  She'd be able to truly say it soon enough.

* * *

 

_The first time Hinata had caught her husband with her sister, she had cried._

_The second time, she'd drunk an entire pot of coffee, then a bottle of vodka, and then she called an appointment line for surgery._

_The third time, she threw her sister out of her house._

_The fourth, well, she just made three cups of coffee that morning and pretended it hadn't been weeks since she'd slept in her own bed._

_After that, she'd stopped counting how many times she'd seen her husband with her sister and instead started counting the days until her divorce papers went through._

* * *

 

Kiba sent her off first.  She held his sturdy hands in her own and smiled, happy that he was just awkwardly grinning back.  He squeezed her hands once and said, his voice low, “I don’t know that much about what it’s like back in Beijing, but you said it was rough.  So, here.”

He pressed something in her hands, and as she turned her palm over to see what he’d left her, she almost laughed.  It was a tiny plastic dog figurine, like the one she had won at the arcade they’d gone to on their first night they’d spent together.  This one was white.

“It looks like Akamaru,” He explained.

“Your dog?” Hinata asked, examining it closer.  The ears were colored brown with pencil.

“Yeah.  Like, dogs are good companions.  And you liked Scruffy a lot,” Kiba produced said dog figurine from his pocket, “So I thought, you should have one too.”

She placed the tiny Akamaru in her purse.  “Thank you.  I’ll treasure it, always.”

That was about when Sakura and Naruto showed up, together like they were attached at the hip.  Hinata almost asked about the bruise blooming on face, but she politely ignored it in favor of greeting the two of them warmly.  They had really helped her ground herself and fix up her life on this trip.  So she felt almost like she owed them a debt.

“You’re leaving so soon,” Naruto mourned, his face falling.  They really hadn’t spent much time together.  That was probably a good thing.

“I know, it sucks,” Sakura sighed, placing a hand on her chest.

“I’ll miss you all,” Hinata promised, “I’ll write.  When I figure out where I am going after my divorce, I’ll tell you all my plans.”

“Looking forward to it,” Naruto said.

Kiba stayed awkwardly quiet, even as she glanced over to him, hoping he’d say something like, ‘come back to me and fuck me into the mattress hard’ or something.  Okay, so not exactly that, but she wanted to hear something at least encouraging at her hints of returning.

Finally, Kiba smirked, “You have my number.”

That she did.  Hinata almost snorted as she remembered the napkin he’d given to her.  He thought he was so cute.

Her phone dinged with a text notification from her husband, who was already heading to the airport himself, and real life came back to her.  She had a deadline to meet.

“I’ll miss you all,” She said, and opened her car door.  As Hinata got in the car with all her bags, Naruto and Sakura stood stiffly and awkwardly waving her off.  Kiba blew her a kiss.

Hinata allowed herself one more moment to breathe in the clean air of California, and for once, she was absolutely sure of herself.  There really was something about the air here; so clean and free and good.  She’d be back to breathe it again soon.


End file.
